yellow.

i am getting a little better about blogging. it's becoming a lot more fun for me to write now that there are other people than my mother reading this. ha.

could not sleep last night. which is normally not a problem for me. i always fall asleep quickly and more often than not, in places or at times that are unplanned. but last night was different. everything that has been weighing on my mind was yelling at me whilst attempting to fall asleep. they were screaming for me to pay them each equal attention. which, was not easy. my heart is heavy and my days have been long. i've been thinking too much...

i am probably heading back home tonight after chapter. tomorrow is the memorial service for harry lyles. i feel like i should be there for that. i would also like to see my siblings, since i haven't since i came back in january.

i lit a candle monday in our dorm... which is against the rules. shhhh don't tell. it did make the whole place smell so much better. and not to mention it truly added to the v-day celebration going on in our room. fran's wonderful mother has sent printed heart styrofoam cups, heart shaped cinnamon candies, a dancing dog that sings the temptations. oh and i better not leave out the amazing little red velvet cupcakes she baked for us. oh my gosh so good. we ate so many.

oh valentines.

BIG EVENT was a successful day for me. i froze, but painted ms. delamar's house and enjoyed her two little girl's company. princess bridget was absolutely precious. i had frost bite and had to run around the cars to warm my body. but it was well worth the cold. i love that auburn does that. just another reason why auburn truly is the loveliest village. ever.

yesterday, studying consumed the majority of my time. slay and i spent many hours going over biology. we feel that we did alright and are trying not to be over confident. but we will see how our hard work paid off tomorrow. and although the weather and me thoughts were trying to bring me down, his yellow shirt saved the day!

this time

today i was reading this little devotional that my roommate has in her room. here is what yesterday's devotion was a message from God saying. . .

I am renewing your mind. When your thoughts flow freely, they tend to move toward problems. Your focus gets snagged on a given problem, circling round and round it in attempts to gain mastery. Your energy is drained away from other matters through this negative focus. Worst of all, you lose sight of Me.

A renewed mind is Presence-focused. Train your mind to seek Me in every moment, every situation. Sometimes you can find Me in your surroundings. At other times you must draw inward to find Me. I am always present in your spirit.

Seek My Face. Speak to me. I will light up your mind.

i really needed to hear that yesterday. and then the Lord surprised me with another wonderful insight today. . .

i am with you and for you. you face nothing alone- nothing.

When you feel anxious, know that you are focusing on the visible world and leaving Me out.

The remedy is simple: fix your eyes not on what is seen, but unseen.

Verbalize your trust in Me, the Living One who sees you always.

I will get you safely through this day and all your days. But you can find Me only in the present.

Each day is a precious gift from My Father. How ridiculous to grasp for future gifts when today's is set before you! Receive today's gift gratefully, unwrapping it tenderly and delving into its depths.

As you savor this gift, you find Me.

i am so thankful for his faithfulness to remind me through simple things that he is listening to my prayers and hearing my heart. although we know he does hear us, it is nice to be given a sign. a little squeeze of the hand, reassuring us that we are doing right by Him. that He is holding tight.

half of my heart

tonight we went to tcby after a very intense workout at the gym. kimmy had called and asked us to join her, and who can turn down ice cream? not my friends. i couldn't bring myself to enjoy any because of my run. i would certainly seen the ice cream again if i did try to consume it. if you know what i mean. . .

i l o v e tcby. really i do. but tonight, our really amazing friend behind the counter just made me want to think twice before i go back. normally when someone asks you how you're doing, you answer cliche answers like "oh i am doing fine thank you" or "i'm well". but this sweet child decided to detail her last our for us. on and on and on. i mean there were people in line. waiting. but our dear friend behind the counter was very intent on explaining to us her life. l i t e r a l l y .

we were glad when we realized it was not a joke, for we were beginning to fear that it was some kind of prank tv show or something. as we were sitting at the table and other customers began to come in, we almost felt the responsibility to cry out to them begging them to turn back. or at least not ask our lovely friend how she was. however, we did not, and enjoyed hearing the story of her life being explained over again to these unknowing people. so watch out for this chick. she is captivating, yet not in a positive way. cannot wait for tcby again.

seeing that february has commenced today, i feel that this post will be a little longer than normal. i apologize and if you feel that you are not in need of a deeper, non comical subject, beware. you are entering uncharted areas of conversation. . .

something terrible happened this past week. something i am currently still processing and taking into understanding. my heart broke on thursday night when i was informed that one of my dear friend's father passed away in a car accident. the twelve o'clock phone call was unexpected and not welcome with open arms. no doubt my heart turned inside my chest as i heard those words. as one of my friends said it was some of the worst news i have heard in a long time. but i am reminded of Christ's love for us even in this tragedy. why? because there is peace even in the worst storms. God's peace is covering sweet Olivia and her siblings and mother. how fantastic and large and unreal is his love. we cannot escape it. i am praying for her family and if you read this, i am asking that you will too. Olivia is beautiful. her love for the Lord is shining through this seemingly trying time. blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

some things i have been thinking about. yay for thoughts.

1. it's okay to fall [for someone or something]. no need to be afraid. 2. being broken is okay, God is a professional "fixer uper". 3. rejoicing in all circumstances makes you a happier person. 4. be spontaneous when you want to. and not when you don't. 5. eat ice cream. 6. listen to your heart, because He who owns it will direct it. 7. be honest. 8. love never ever fails. 9. get me to haiti for spring break please. 10. i have the best best friends. period.

til tomorrow. .

fratagonia.

although i do not own the newest version of the patagonia fleece pull over, i do like it. i see one every single day as i walk down the concourse to class. there is a wide variety of colors ranging from Texas burnt orange to a vintage light blue. my personal favorite is the burnt orange. frances owns one and i wear it often and with that comes the joy and excitement of feeling part of the crowd. apparently patagonia is fratty. and as i was walking down the street in front of magnolia hall i was told that the warm fleece pull over i was currently clothing myself was indeed called a fratagonia. i laughed.

it is so true.

it has been a little hard for me to blog this past week. there have been some little things going on here and there, and some interesting things have occurred in my life. yet, i have not found something that truly made me want to blog. eh. in a rut i guess. so i am resorting to a story. you can judge the amount of humor you will. i think it is quite silly.

so i am running in a half marathon right? and so i do alot of running in order to train myself to be ready. i like the collisium. i know how far a mile is, the forces of nature cannot exactly reckon with me, and i can think as i run in circles. a majority of the time i am relatively alone. there may be a few older people walking around or some other joggers, but normally i get to run alone.

however, today was a slightly different story. it was tornado worthy weather when i chose to go out to run. consequently there were going to be more people in the collisium. but when i opened the door and heard a cadence being shouted and then about twenty some odd people sprint by me, i did not feel motivated to continue forward. it was awkward. so i managed to walk into the inner track to run. where, thank you army, marine, whatevers, there were many other people feeling the same frustration as i. not to mention the fact that at that moment, my right leg felt as though you had borrowed a major piece of my quad and decided not to return it.

needless to say the run was not enjoyed by any. frustration only motivated me to run about 2 miles and then do the stairs. leg throbbing i might add. and because of this, my run for tomorrow is now going to be a lovely 8 m i l e run. yes. terrific.

but oh well. i am going to finish something i started. i am running towards the finish line. getting closer with each step. [metaphorically and literally speaking]

again

interesting how thing happen again. fascinating how things begin again. i'm doing it again. i said it was the end, but here it goes again. i find there is a pattern to my life. i seem to try to suppress things, try to ignore things, and yet, they creep on me and grow inside into something massive. something hiding inside that at any given moment in time, can explode. causing immense amounts of shock.

however, i am learning that this is not always a bad thing. maybe i should pay attention to this. maybe it should consider that it is coming for a reason. i love learning new things.

i listen to pandora while i write. it's this amazing little website where you listen to music you want to. and it's free. one of the greatest things i use. currently on pandora, empire state of mind. greatest song eva.

tonight, i spent some time in montgomery at cafe louisa with two of my absolute best friends. honestly, the Lord made these two precious creatures just for me to be friends with. they are the people that i can cry to, run to, hide with, and share my heart. there are so many instances when i think back on the kind of friends i would pray to God for. i remember crying in junior high school, asking my mother why i didn't have a best friend. now, i have many, but two in particular that have challenged and helped me find my way along my walk with the Lord. cannot explain my thankfulness. my heart if full, and my joy overflows.

john legend just came on my pandora. just melt my heart.

but i have great expectations for this semester. i am working hard and trying my best to glorify my God in everything i do. i am praying that i will not act weird around the people i care about most and show them how much i really care. affection. words. whatever it takes. show who you love that you do. and show them today. you may not have tomorrow.

that got morbid really fast. but needless to say it is necessary. so get out there and tell people. spread the love

finish line

i am running in a half marathon with my uncle. over christmas eve dinner, we decided that we would do it. i went online and found one in the greater atlanta area in march that looked pleasing.

my uncle and i have been training since christmas and let me tell you it has been a joy. mk decided to run it as well and we have both been working hard on getting in shape and everything for it. it has been a long road, but we are half way there!

the half marathon is called the snickers energy bar half marathon in rome, ga. i find it slightly ironic that we are running in a candy bar [although it is an energy bar] half marathon. kinda made me laugh inside.

classes have been going well and i enjoy the teachers i have. although it has only been two days worth of class, i think the semester is going to be a good one. i am looking forward to the wonderful experiences coming my way.

i am looking forward to crossing that finish line on the day of my half marathon. it will feel fantastic knowing that i have worked hard to reach a goal, and then achieving that goal. there is something to invigorating about that. only six more weeks.

pressing onward, towards the goal

learning to whistle

welcome year 2010

new years eve was a blast.

literally.

we were in tampa at the Bullard residence and we got to shoot off fireworks and other things that keep pyros entertained. i decided that trip was what college would be like without school.

it was great.

as of late, seeing that it is the new year, there have been many magazine articles containing information that will help us in the new year. stuff about loosing weight (shocking), leaving things behind, and my all time favorite "turning over a NEW YOU in the NEW YEAR". "re invent yourself". goodness.

but in my own life there some things that are going to remain in 2009. i talked previously about holes that seemed to be ripping in my heart. i was under the impression that i was missing something, that i needed this in my life. was i ever wrong.

so i am leaving those holes in 2009. and it is the best decision i have ever made. the Lord is so faithful. he promises to heal our hurts, to hold onto our hands, pick up the pieces that fall apart and mend them together again. sometimes we get arrogant, we think we are capable of taking care of ourselves. for whatever reason, we forget that we are not able to do so. we cannot do it alone.

the greatest part: we don't have to.

sunday morning i awoke to the sound of my alarm pleasantly ringing on my cell phone. at 6:25. beautiful.

i dressed for church and began to bundle for the expected freezing temperatures awaiting me outside. as a opened the door from magnolia hall and proceeded into the open air. it was still. and it was silent.

there are very few times in auburn that the air is not filled with cheering fans, over zealous girls, drunken groups of people, passing cars, and the occasional train.

however,

sunday morning was ever so still. if the weather had been in better taste, i would have stayed out and listened a little longer. i think, in all of his wonder and power and might, when he could be louder than anything we could imagine, God speaks through silence.

he whispers to us. to make sure we are listening.

he shows us a glimpse of his wonder.

in stillness.

well 2010, here we go.