anticipation.

anticipation of pain is {i believe} the worst human emotion.

think about it.

when you were little, taking a band-aid off was terrible and horrifying. remember getting teeth pulled or your finger pricked at the doctor's office? yeah, i do. and each event was accompanied with tears.

many times we often avoid things because of perceived pain.

remember avoiding the break up with a middle or high school boyfriend/girlfriend?? do you remember how many tears were shed over that person, yet, as shocking as it may be, you do not even talk to them anymore. what about when you need to tell the parents that you got a ticket or failed a class? we procrastinate until the moment when it is absolutely necessary.

i also believe this is true when it comes to training. for anything.
some days i wake up, look at the schedule, and want to cry when i see numbers like 15, 17, or 20.
"why did i do this again?" creeps into my little mind every now and again.

then i take my time getting dressed. i make sure i go to the bathroom about 5 times before i exit the house. i suck it up. and i run.

once i just got into my swing and started running i felt great. the weather was perfect and my legs were doing their job and i could breathe the air. i ran 5 miles and got back and i was finished.
and i felt great. granted, there were a few lovely atlanta hills that were AWESOME and i thought i might keel over right there and die... but i did not. i made it and i felt awesome.

perceived risk. anticipated pain.

so many times we don't do what we should for those two above reasons.
countless opportunities pass us by because we are afraid of stepping out.
there is risk in waking up in the morning.
there is risk when you fall asleep.
there is risk when you do anything. and there will probably be pain along side it.

the Lord calls us into some crazy things. He asks us to act and walk through things we know are going to be painful. we see the stuff that comes with it. we hear the stories and anticipate pain. we scare ourselves. we listen to lies.

but the Lord also says He will never leave or forsake us. that His Presence watches over us continually. that we are in the palm of His hand. that He knows the plans for us, He directs our will and our way. 

He also knows our pain. His Son took the weight of our pain and died for it. He has experienced it. 

so why, then, do we get so afraid? why do we cower at the first thought that this may be uncomfortable for me? what is holding us back?

a wise person once said to me, "you can do anything temporarily". meaning, there may be pain involved and some suffering, yet it is only temporary.
the Lord promises that pain may last for the night, but JOY comes in the morning. it's temporary pain.

and that goes for everything. for a new job. for stepping out and challenging your parents to walk deeper in their faith. for running a marathon. for getting married. having a baby. having cancer. pulling a tooth.

my challenge today is to remember the pain someone went through to get you where you are.
my challenge is that you step out in your faith and move a mountain.
that you take the strength given to you by our Lord and do something.
whether it is going to be painful or not.

___________________

my other challenge is this. 

how many times did you laugh today? 

we all need to lighten up a little. apparently, we are supposed to laugh 25 times a day. 

a cheerful heart is good medicine. 

and i dare you not to laugh at this precious baby....

peace and blessings.
mb.

yay.

it's august everyone. welcome; to the month of my birth.

Source: greylikesbaby.com via Liz on Pinterest

tuesday was the last day of intern status. the evaluation was beautiful. my little growing brain/heart/spirit was looking forward to getting some areas for me to grow in. instead, i felt like it was Morgan Appreciation Day. never in my life have i received as much affirmation and encouragement as i did in those 45 minutes. 

so many times, we look so hard at how we can encourage and fill other people up, we forget to get filled ourselves. 

but i did, and my cup was full, and my heart leapt with excitement about the season that is coming. the Lord said that He was proud of me- He looked down upon me and called me His child and said he was proud!

and then the devil met me at the door.

things like:

 are you sure you are called to this ministry and is He really proud of you and what about this... or that...

and so i captured those darts and i sent them where they belong.

      the foot of the cross. 

but these two days the Lord has been showing me what trust looks like. for the first time in my life, i have not guarantee as to what i will be doing. i make phone calls and send in applications and have interviews. and they are all hanging in the air. 

but there are things that aren't hanging in the air. the things that keep me going. 

like tomorrow, i will help two of our girls move. today, i created another new brownie masterpiece {yea call me Betty}. i have a healthy body that is carrying me through marathon training {more on that in a second}. i have a date tonight with my one and only. 

blessing are abundant. my God is faithful, living, true to His word. He is a protector and He wants to give me things, for i am His child, and a loving Father wants to provide for His children. He wants me to depend on Him as provider. and therefore, i have nothing else to lean on but Him.

_________________

running. we are running a marathon. it is happening in october and we are 10 weeks out. this week monday was 11 miles, wednesday was 4, today was 8, and tomorrow, 4 again. the legs are holding up fine. the mental stamina is kicking back in. and i love the time i get to spend out on the road or in the woods. i am no longer eating a vegetarian diet. it was literally destroying my muscles and i was not getting enough protein. however, i am eating more veggies and fruits than anything else. and complex carbs of course. 

it has been an adjustment to learn how to run in atlanta. 

so. many. hills.

but i am getting stronger. 

will is a good encourager through this. especially since he is running it too. mutually beneficial. 

__________________

i wanted to blog today because i want to keep writing. sometimes i get hung up on other things and i forget to write in my journals. and so this is the best way i know how to keep writing. 

i love it. 

it drives me to want to do cooler and more marvelous things so i can blog about it.

there will be better stories. more insight and more knowledge as i continue to grow. 

i want to invite you to continue on my journey with me. 

i promise you wont get bored. 

well, too bored. 

so thanks to people who have been encouraging me to keep writing. 

thanks to people to actually read this thing. 

i hope you are learning as much as i am. 

oh.

and i found this today.

it is now my inspiration for the month of august. 

peace and blessings. 

mb.

sparkles.

there is something about being a girl. something buried very deep in the crevices of who we are that makes us love things that shine. maybe it is the fact that we long to be princesses. or maybe it has to do with feeling pretty and special. i don't really know why exactly, but that is the way it is.

girls like to shine.

and today i had the extreme urge to wear this dress to a party. or even just to dinner.

i want to wear this beauty with some nice red lipstick. and a certain someone on my arm. that would be marvelous. 

but i wonder even still as to the reasoning behind my urge for sparkles. someone told me i was a star. and that one day i was going to collide with another star and then little sparkles were going to cover the ground. 

you know, we sing a lot of songs about love shining and love being bright. maybe those sparkles are little love beams. maybe i am going to cover the ground and the people with love. i like that. 

and maybe that is why i like to sparkle. literally  i'd like to be so radiant with love that it shows through my nasty, sinful skin, to reveal the truest light love that lives inside. 

let's sparkle today. 

and then a little more about the L word. 

i found this gem. and i just giggled the whole way through it. 

i especially like the second one. it is so true in my life.

_________

tomorrow is the official last day of the internship at NightLight. i am excited to see what tomorrow brings, seeing that is is evaluation day. 

i am not sure what the next step is, so if you're wondering, there is your answer. just hold on and i will get you an answer as soon as i know one. 

it's almost impossible for me to put into a few words what this summer at nightlight has done to me. it has exposed my heart for broken men and women in atlanta. it has confirmed my calling to this area of the states. i am truly thankful for the prayers and texts of encouragement i have received over the past few weeks. 

but my journey with NightLight is not over. boy, is it far from that. i am ready to take more on. i am ready to keep fighting and sparkling love all over the streets of atlanta. one night at a time. 

anyways. happy monday my friends. 

peace and blessings. 

mb.

on your own.

last night i had quite an experience at kids club.

one precious child went all stage-five-clinger on me pretty early on. like wrapping her whole entire little first grade, sun baked, dusty body around my waist, legs, shoulders. it was pretty impressive the way she was able to hold on to me like that.

at first it was kinda sweet. we sat on the big blue tarp in the limited shade available. i figured she was just tired and didn't want to play the usual basketball game we play every week. so we just sat and i held her.

then it was time for worship and she needed to participate, but she didn't want to. and normally i draw a line and say alright chick, stand up, you're a big girl, let's sing and dance! but, being our last week for a couple months, i didn't. so i sat, and i let her just lay there in my lap.

and at this point it was still sweet. until it was time for the skit. which i was apart of. and homie would not let me stand up. she was flinging herself at me. jumping onto my legs. and so i just kept walking. and then i got tot he front and there she was, begging me to pick her up.

*note- she is not 4, this baby girl is 7. she isn't like a baby. and is fully capable of standing.

i do it. i pick her up. who knows what she has been through today. maybe she needs someone to hold her.

after craft/snack, it's time to clean up. mind you, she has been attached to me the whole time i lead a craft group and other kids are noticing this semi-odd behavior. she wont let me put her down. the whole time. and started hurting me. i was trying to hard to be sweet. i started being more commanding in my voice. nothing.

no response.

she started acting like a baby. like mumbling and stuff.

she needed to walk on her own. she needed to be strong and stand up. walk by my side and i could teach her so much more than when she is silently clinging to my body. we needed to have a conversation.

as we were leaving, my heart hurt for her, as did the rest of my overheated, beaten up body.

i eventually pried her from me. literally had to pry her off, with the help of others. and i sat on the other side of the fence.

and as i sat there i got sad. and i tried not to get frustrated or freaked out. i wanted to apply this.

suddenly i saw a picture of when i lay in God's lap. when i am so tired and overloaded, there are time when i don't want to worship, and i just want to lay in His presence. silent. peaceful. safe.

but there comes a time when God says to me,

"my child, i have much to teach you, get up and walk with me. you are still in My presence, but you are walking with me. i cannot carry you forever, you are a big girl, you need to walk."

i learn so many things through the kids at kids club. this was such a large reminder. there are so many days where i just want to lay in my bed and go over the little moments through this internship and see again where God is teaching me. yet He calls to me, beckoning me to wake up, get up, and go! share what i have learned, teach what he is teaching me.

the Lord loves to hold us. He knows we are clingers. He created us that way.

but He also created us with feet and legs to walk. and hands to hold His hand. 

last night, as i laid down in my bed, i thought over the ways to teach what i am learning. and the Lord said, right where I am placing you.

so if that means in my house, with my "roommates" or with my William or my friends and family, then so be it.

if that means in a new job... then i will be light there too. i am excited for what it coming.... this little caterpillar is getting ready...


peace and blessings.
mb.

peace and blessings.

i say this a lot when i leave places... and maybe it's because of that awful video about Tina and Peter in the park. but it is what i wish on people. lots of peace and lots of blessings.

last week i was under a lot of spiritual attack after our breakthrough we had. i was in constant turmoil over the situation and my mind constantly traveled in about 4687 different directions. because of that, not only did i have a minor breakdown and begin doubting some things i haven't before, i started listening to satan's lies. which, in case you were wondering, is the worst thing you can do. after letting those lies pollute my little brain and my thought patterns... well you know. my relationships suffered. my sleeping suffered. my running suffered. blah blah blah. i was ticked. not only at this rotten satan but at my self for letting it happen.

but then i got real with satan, told him to back off, and let Jesus deal with the real issue there.

and that's when i got peace.

then friday night outreach came along.

and i was asked to second lead a team. which for a new intern is pretty cool. i felt right in the place God designed for me in that moment. the Lord led us to some people He really needed to speak with. we encountered some frightening things, and some of our team was a little shaken up. immediate prayer. peace.

the following saturday was a whirl wind. wake up. eat. throw on my running spandex. stretch out. hop in the car with Will. drive. park. run 12 miles at 11 o'clock in the middle of the hottest time of the day {we are great with planing}. drink about a gallon of water. shower. pass out. pack. meet two of the people who played a part in Will and I meeting. drive to the lake to meet my family at 9:45 and get there at midnight.

Source: weheartit.com via Morgan on Pinterest

WE WERE FINALLY AT THE LAKE!!

i think i could live there for a season or two. i have not put my pictures on my computer yet, but they are coming. every night was a showcase of the artist we call God. every conversation was blessed with laughter and joy. there were large porches, hot tubs, hammocks, good food, better fellowship, and bonding time with my one and only.

i successfully burned my body. {which i had not done all summer! yay for no skin cancer!} and my arms felt like jello pudding after a short tubing incident with my dad behind the wheel and three boys egging him on.

but it was worth it. and my heart was overflowing with thankfulness for the blessings in my life. for that crazy bunch of people i call my family. for my one and only. for where i was raised and how i was taught. for love.

Source: weheartit.com via Natália on Pinterest

how thankful am i for the friendships that are growing! wednesday night was a sweet glimpse into a promise the Lord has given me. i am growing more and more fond of this place everyday.


oh yeah. and i got a haircut last week. best decision. 


well now i am rambling. 

just remember to be so thankful for the gifts you have been given and show love to everyone.

i love you all.
peace and blessings.
mb.

life according to my iPhone.

best running socks yet. no more blisters!

tony's family and friends night!

the "daily bread" flat ware at the house

mary's wedding!

brave's game festivities 

must read this.

sunflower cafe! portobello mushroom wrap!

I LOVE MY NEW MIZUNO'S!!!!! 

Yeah Burger! so yummy!

                   

 

mine was a veggie, don't worry!

breakthrough.

break·through

Noun:

A sudden, dramatic, and important discovery or development, esp. in science. A significant and dramatic overcoming of a perceived obstacle, allowing the completion of a process.

i remembered seeing her walk down the street that first night. i remember seeing her face scrunched up at us like we had horns growing out of our foreheads. the pain in her eyes was penetrating, deep enough to cause a stirring inside my heart. "Lord", i prayed, "help us reach her." 

she literally hated us for some time. her story is so detailed i couldn't make it up. after a series of tremendous heart wrenching events, her heart is encased by a 10 foot thick wall of brick and mortar. no one, especially not "church people", is getting in.

but friday night, she hit her limit. he almost killed her and her unborn child. she needed someone to talk to. 

as i saw her across the street walking towards us, my heart began to race. 

Holy Spirit, i ask you to start breaking down this wall!

make her open. make her see You, Father, in us!

as i prayed out loud they came closer. this was our chance to speak life into her spirit. LA called to me and said to go. and then i heard the Lord say,

Just listen 

so that's what i did. 

for the first time since we have known her, she approached us. 

for the first time, she wanted to talk with us.

and for the first time, she let us know it was okay. 

the Lord put her on my heart the very first night. but it wasn't his timing yet. 

she wasn't ready. 

now she is ready to talk. 

i knew she didn't want me to pray over her in that moment, but she said i could on my own time. 

and that is when we experienced breakthrough. 

she recognized me as someone who will love her RIGHT WHERE SHE IS.

she saw my heart wasn't to condemn or judge her... it was to love. 

she told me she was happy to hear i understood. 

that my friends, is breakthrough. 

and i cannot wait to speak with her again...

i think these past two months of living in Atlanta has brought to much hope into my life. the Lord is moving in a mighty way here. whether that is through organizations like NightLight or at Grace Midtown or in the individual lives represented in all of my community. 

God is doing something big here. 

friday night, i was given much encouragement. 

first was that my God is faithful.

that He is reminding me of this through my patience in His timing and in His hand on my life.

second was that whatever plan He has for me are bigger than my idea of what He wants me to do. so erase them. 

so i am also experiencing breakthrough.

everyday.

______________

xoxo.

mb.