Tuesday, October 27, 2009


i'm really numb today. i woke up to bad news and bad news continued all day. even until right now. my heart is numb and i don't feel anything. i am not sure if i want to.

i am reminded that death is inevitable. it is going to happen and it is going to happen to the ones that you love and care about. death in any form is hard. whether it is death of a person or death of a relationship. death hurts. but we must not fear death. many times i become selfish, wishing the ones i've lost were with me, here, on the earth. but why would i wish them back here to pain. back here to hardships, when their new bodied are shining and bright. where there is no crying, no shame, no sickness, no holes. i would never wish them back here, but i can only wish for my going to them.

holes. i don't like talking about holes. but i have one right now. a hole of uncertainty i guess. a hole of confusion. a hole that i know will be filled, but how? i have no idea. praying for the hole is all i can do. can't hold on, that just rips it wider. painful, yes. overpowering, not by God's grace.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i get a really dark vibe from you that i never picked up in person. you should write more. :)