Thursday, March 25, 2010

all there is.

this is where i am today... just give me Jesus.

"my goal is God HIMSELF, not joy, nor peace, nor even blessing, but HIMSELF. my GOD."

- o s w a l d c h a m b e r s

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

into this.

i really am
a lot of things. this blog, for one, i am very into. i enjoy it. i hope you do as well.

i am also really
cornerstone. last night we had an amazing practice. as i had said in the previous post i had been really down. for no reason. i was upset, frustrated, and sad. i even cried [i know] to no avail. so anyways...

the next morning i woke up feeling better. slightly annoyed with school but that is normal. annoyed because it was cold. annoyed because i wanted to be annoyed. whatever. just decided you know what... suck it up, it could be worse.

and after that attitude adjustment the day seemed to get brighter. literally. the sun came out, studying wasn't too bad, and i ran [ if you know well, you know that it always puts me in a better mood] after the run and shower i headed off to cornerstone to an amazing practice. we just spend two hours praising the Lord and s i n g i n g and w o r s h i p i n g Him. i felt completely broken and empty as i walked in the house of the Lord, but He restored my energy and refocused my attention back where it needed to be. ON HIM. i was feeling on fire when i left the house of worship. pumped up for whatever the world throws at me.

i am
music. obviously. i like new things. new music. i am currently just getting into mumford and sons. as of last night to be exact. thanks to scott for the mentioning of this such band.

one thing that i am
that is really in me is my Jesus. today i He spoke to me in a different way. i was distracted and he pulled me back in. i was slightly preoccupied with what i thought i could do for Him, instead of what He wanted to use me to do. i know He wants to use me. i am an open vessel for His will. trust in the Lord with A L L of your heart. lean not in your own understanding, but in A L L your way acknowledge HIM and He will make your path straight.

if i TRUST and ACKNOWLEDGE Him, he will make my path straight. and He promises that [my] word is a lamp unto your feet and a light unto your path.

checklist of promises:
1. straight path
2. lit path and lit feet [makes it harder to stumble]

what else does my Jesus promise? justification through faith [romans 5:1]. and PEACE!

so lately, if you are struggling with something like what to do, or where to go, or thoughts about this summer or anything... remember what MY JESUS promises. a straight, lit path, and peace to those who trust Him. have faith. the Lord is on our side. the same God that created that universe, MY GOD, is on your side.

"and if o u r GOD is FOR US . . . then who could e v e r stop us ?
and if O U R G O D if for us... then who could s t a n d against ? "

God gives the birds food, but he does not throw the worm in the nest.

Monday, March 22, 2010

saturday mornings

i was sitting in the kitchen on saturday morning after a short run. mom had made breakfast for the family, yet i was the only one awake at the moment. hearing the stove going, smelling the oven baking the biscuits, feeling the warmth of the appliances. there is nothing like being home and spending time there. i love traveling and going out different places, however there is something about the comfort of being at home.

i love being lazy at home. or being busy at home. this week was spring break and it has its moments of hustle and bustle, along with relaxing moments. i was able to travel to albertville alabama this week. and i must say i was pleasantly surprised at how beautiful north alabama is. i have always complained about living in alabama, but this week i gained an all new respect for my home state. albertville was so fun. i am so glad i had the opportunity to visit there.

lake guntersville

guntersville state park was beautiful. taylor took me and will there on thursday afternoon. pictures can not even come close to showing how beautiful it was. once again... i am a sucker for creation. i love when God shows me a glimpse of heaven.


on a slightly different note. today i have been a little down. i guess it's the weather. and then school.

but sunday we were driving down to the church to practice for mine and sara's retreat this weekend and i was in a terrible mood. i had no reason to be, but something was just eating at me. i was discussing this mood problem with taylor as we were driving downtown and i turned and said, i have no reason to be in a bad mood. absolutely none. look at everything God has given me, blessed me with, shown me everyday. why should i be down?

nonetheless, today, as i take a break from reading human odyssey, i am down. it is humanity. it is our flesh. but i am committed to something that is committed to me. i have security, i have peace, i have promised rest; but i am down. stupid holes. those gosh darn holes keep on trying to open up again. i know that God has healed them, i know it. yet, today... they're ripping at me. the only thing i know to do, the only thing i guess i can do is trust. the Lord gives me things, and although they seem meaningless and small, he still cares about them.

well that got depressing real fast. my apologies. however, you read this, you are going to get me; real-life me. and this is what i am going through today.

Monday, March 15, 2010

napping. driving. joy.

i met a child today who has an equally hard time staying awake for an entire movie. her name is campbell and she is in the second grade. i am going to be her [and her brother stephen] nanny this summer. and in hopes of getting to know the children better, i am sitting with them twice over spring break.

we watched "where the wild things are" [an all together strange movie], and we both ended up falling asleep. not so good for the nanny. however, i soon realized it was okay. campbell asked me to come lay with her so she could nap. stephen informed me it was important for her to nap. this is my kind of girl. we hit it off very smoothly and now i have full confidence that my sleeping problems will not be an issue with them. thank the Lord.


this morning i had to leave the house at about 6:45. it was still dark when i left. but as i was pulling up to perry hill road, this sunrise just captivated me. it was this wonderful pink that was bursting from behind the clouds. it was spectacular.

but it was on the way to the family' house, which is a good 20-25 minute drive that i had some special one on one time with the Lord. which, i have learned is the best. no one hears your singing, no one sees your face, no one hears your prayers. except God. which, let us be real here, is the only reason. but i was listening to some music and i was reminded of the message we heard on sunday morning by pastor jay. about prayer.

our problem: unanswered prayer. many times in our walks with the Lord we feel that we hit our knees, begging and pleading for the Lord to answer our prayers. sometimes we feel that we hear nothing or see nothing from the Lord. however, we must remember; who is our Lord? He is an engaged, heavenly Father who wants to respond to our needs [jer. 33:3].

God always answers our prayers. however sometimes we choose not to accept the answer. there are four ways he answers them... no, slow, grow, and go!

when the request is wrong, God answers no. when the timing is wrong, God answers slow. when we are wrong[our hearts], God says grow {His delays are not His denials} and when everything is right, He answers GO! bottom line is that prayer is what synchronizes you to the Savior. He wants you to receive His message. how do you hear? be in tune to the Father's heart... read His word.

i am so thankful that the Lord hears and cares about my prayers. as insignificant as they may seem at the given moment, they mean a lot to Him. we are HIS children.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

breaking spring.

at about two forty yesterday i was released from schooling for an entire week. it is precisely what i needed. last night was the gig at the Strutting Duck. it was a really fun time. the band played awesome and i was really happy when i looked out into the crowd and saw a good number of my friends. it really meant a lot to me. thank you for supporting me!

today i drove from auburn to troy, then from troy back to montgomery. all in all i drove about two hours. which is not too far, but i was running low on sleep. i love the drive to troy though. the reason is pike road. there are so many old, small houses and old, run down barns. plantation homes, cattle, horses. it is b e a u t i f u l. i wished i was not in a hurry to get to troy because i would have stopped and taken some pictures on the way. i love capturing things that are natural. raw and interesting.

but the weather was really weird during the drive. it would rain and then be sunny. rain and then the sun would come back out. and as i was talking with my sister on the phone i realized something that is a real application to our lives. the sun is always there. the sun may go behind a cloud and we may not feel the direct rays or see it extremely well, but it is always there. this is the Son of God. sometimes our lives get a little rainy, and we feel like we cannot feel the Son or see Him, but He is a l w a y s there. he is ever present. ever lasting.

where can i go from your spirit?
where can i go from your presence?
if i rise on the wings of the dawn
if i settle on far side of the sea
even there your hand will guide me
your right hand will hold me fast

i love that passage in psalms [139]. but that part in particular. we cannot escape His love. who would want to? a love like that is so incredible. a love that we cannot run from, cannot hide from. He finds us, he holds us, he guides us. what a remarkable God we serve. and i cannot hide my love for Him. goal everyday: b r i n g h i m g l o r y. that is why we are here : to glorify God and enjoy him forever... it's the chief end of man.

"lord these are just words, and are not enough to contain you. father, just words. they could never suffice, to acclaim you. you are indescribable, you are beyond expression. i run out of words for you, i can't think that high. so hear my spirit groan in me. a painful sense of urgency. to tell you that you are to me. so high."

Monday, March 8, 2010

continued//plus some

last post was entitled my two wings. why?

friday marks a new beginning for me. and opportunity that does not come around often. i have been asked to sing with a local band here in auburn [my two wings]. i am very excited about all this and am looking forward to it. we have practiced twice, and we will practice again before the show. not going to lie, i am a little nervous. never before have a sung in front of people songs that have not been previously recorded or heard before. i will be the first. that is a little intimidating, but i know this is an opportunity i should not take for granted. i am looking forward to what this will be like.


today actually felt like spring. it was cloudless. it was perfectly blue. the trees that line the concrete in the village were blooming pink blossoms. i put some in my hair. it was a beautiful day. i have written before about creation and how it gets me. how being in the midst of creation; holding it, breathing it, feeling it, brings me joy. there is something about the other parts of creation (apart from animals and humans) that brings me to my knees.

i have seen the grand canyon, i have been to africa, i have seen snow covered mountains, and spend hours hiking through valleys. these things all remind me of love. we see a slight picture of who God is, but in a different way. His creation is so ornate, so delicate, and yet so elaborate. its so remarkable to me the way God made a giant hole in the ground to be so amazing. i see these things and think, wow, i am so small compared to the earth, to the solar system, to space, to God.

all the while, He loves me. He knows me. He wants me. while sitting outside in the grass today i heard words read to me about this concept. when i am surrounded by God's creation, i am reminded that though i sometimes may struggle with the feeling of insignificance, God tells me i am important. even if i was the only person, he still would have sent His son for me.

enjoy creation. enjoy His gift of love through creation. enjoy time with Him.

2 Before the mountains were born
or you brought forth the earth and the world,
from everlasting to everlasting you are God.
psalm 90:2

6 You alone are the LORD. You made the heavens, even the highest heavens, and all their starry host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them. You give life to everything, and the multitudes of heaven worship you.
nehemiah 9:6

Sunday, March 7, 2010

my two wings.

friday night was formal. honestly one of the best times i have had (if not the best). fantastic venue, great music, and wonderful, handsome date. great time all around. here are a few pictures of the event.


well that was formal. great times. great memories.

mom had to go to south carolina today. she drove to atlanta and then with my aunt and uncle. they were going to the funeral of my great uncle sam. he died of a heart attack on thursday night. i am not sure all the details... because living at home i don't hear everything. but i am praying for aunt jo. she is all alone now. which breaks my heart.

lately i haven't been talking that much about my deep things. you know my insights into life that all of my seven or nine followers just love to hear about [note the sarcasm]. but i will go into somethings that have been weighing on my mind.

i have been praying for some months to find clarity in the Word. that the Lord would just open me up and spill me out and everything on the table would become clear to me. and slowly, over the past couple months in particular he has been teaching me so much. much about His character, and so much about His love for me. i am yearning to have righteousness. yearning to be more like Him everyday. God's peace truly does surpass all understanding and He gives us a clear mind and spirit.

i am hungry and thirsty for righteousness. it is what we get from God. it is His gift to us, a little picture of who He is; displayed in and through us. what a marvelous concept. how awesome. worship brings on a whole new meaning through righteousness. with it, we can be true worshipers. not only do we truly worship in church or while singing, but we have adopted a spirit of worship in every action, word, and thought. this is what i am learning.

and through school. although i am slightly confused about whether this is truly what i want to be doing. it is obviously what and where God wants me to be. for reasons only He knows, and reasons that will be revealed to me in time. this excites me. it pumps me up to think that the great plans that i have, are nothing compared to what He has in store for me.

He is showing me a little more on the path, and it is amazing. what a loving, miraculous, unchanging, faithful, generous God i serve. He is showing me part of who He is, through the things He is giving me.


i could talk for hours about this. but the reason my post today is called my two wings... say in tune next time to find out:)

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

marching on.

well its march already. i cannot believe that the semester is approaching the half way point. so many things have happened. so many awesome things, and some not so awesome. but one high point is that i have dominated with my blog. let's be real here. like more than one post a week. get it.

in light of spring, i thought i should do some cleaning. not like my dorm, but like my appearance. yep. i FINALLY did what i have been
wanting to do for about 4 years. i got a hair cut. seven stinking inches gone from my hair. it is sometimes quite terrifying when i look into the mirror and see the lack of hair. i actually am growing to really like it.

also, since it is spring, i wanted to remember last spring with a few memories....

beginning of spring break last year. beautiful huh?

there were a lot of fun memories from spring 2009... and i'm looking forward to making more this spring. i know this was short post... more to come later!