Wednesday, July 25, 2012

on your own.

last night i had quite an experience at kids club.

one precious child went all stage-five-clinger on me pretty early on. like wrapping her whole entire little first grade, sun baked, dusty body around my waist, legs, shoulders. it was pretty impressive the way she was able to hold on to me like that.

at first it was kinda sweet. we sat on the big blue tarp in the limited shade available. i figured she was just tired and didn't want to play the usual basketball game we play every week. so we just sat and i held her.

then it was time for worship and she needed to participate, but she didn't want to. and normally i draw a line and say alright chick, stand up, you're a big girl, let's sing and dance! but, being our last week for a couple months, i didn't. so i sat, and i let her just lay there in my lap.

and at this point it was still sweet. until it was time for the skit. which i was apart of. and homie would not let me stand up. she was flinging herself at me. jumping onto my legs. and so i just kept walking. and then i got tot he front and there she was, begging me to pick her up.

*note- she is not 4, this baby girl is 7. she isn't like a baby. and is fully capable of standing.

i do it. i pick her up. who knows what she has been through today. maybe she needs someone to hold her.

after craft/snack, it's time to clean up. mind you, she has been attached to me the whole time i lead a craft group and other kids are noticing this semi-odd behavior. she wont let me put her down. the whole time. and started hurting me. i was trying to hard to be sweet. i started being more commanding in my voice. nothing.

no response.

she started acting like a baby. like mumbling and stuff.

she needed to walk on her own. she needed to be strong and stand up. walk by my side and i could teach her so much more than when she is silently clinging to my body. we needed to have a conversation.

as we were leaving, my heart hurt for her, as did the rest of my overheated, beaten up body.

i eventually pried her from me. literally had to pry her off, with the help of others. and i sat on the other side of the fence.

and as i sat there i got sad. and i tried not to get frustrated or freaked out. i wanted to apply this.

suddenly i saw a picture of when i lay in God's lap. when i am so tired and overloaded, there are time when i don't want to worship, and i just want to lay in His presence. silent. peaceful. safe.

but there comes a time when God says to me,

"my child, i have much to teach you, get up and walk with me. you are still in My presence, but you are walking with me. i cannot carry you forever, you are a big girl, you need to walk."

i learn so many things through the kids at kids club. this was such a large reminder. there are so many days where i just want to lay in my bed and go over the little moments through this internship and see again where God is teaching me. yet He calls to me, beckoning me to wake up, get up, and go! share what i have learned, teach what he is teaching me.

the Lord loves to hold us. He knows we are clingers. He created us that way.

but He also created us with feet and legs to walk. and hands to hold His hand. 

last night, as i laid down in my bed, i thought over the ways to teach what i am learning. and the Lord said, right where I am placing you.

so if that means in my house, with my "roommates" or with my William or my friends and family, then so be it.

if that means in a new job... then i will be light there too. i am excited for what it coming.... this little caterpillar is getting ready...

peace and blessings.

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