Thursday, April 15, 2010

enter with caution.

there are signs places that let you know when you need to be on the lookout. signs that tell you to "watch your step" or "mind the gap" or "proceed with caution". well tonight, i am asking you to do so before you read the rest of this post. for a couple reasons. 1. because it's long. 2. because this is my heart. i am being very vulnerable right now so really. enter with caution.

i have been wrestling with God.
well not really wrestling, i guess you could say God is teaching me how to work. work things out. teaching me how to make things in this life work. and work for HIS glory. i want to know things, and God keeps telling me to chill out and wait for Him to move.

i am desiring to know what a godly woman looks like. i am searching the word, and talking to God about it. "what is a virtuous woman? who can find her? she is more precious than rubies". awesome. that means she is hard to find.

virtuous- a strong woman, with efficiency and ability. strength in character. she is God fearing.

Ruth 3:11- everyone knew her for her virtue! she is a woman people look to as an example. she is a quite spirit, she is a leader. she is an encourager.

this is the woman i want to be. the woman that the Lord wants me to be. my heart is under construction, always being worked upon by our God.

sometimes, i want to know what God is doing and why.
actually i want to know this kinda of thing a lot. i want Him to just reveal it all to me or at least give me a glimpse as to clear my mind. but He is not going to do that...

these past couple days have been hard ones for me. i have had a good deal of free time, which is never good. this means i have time to think and ponder the things in my life, the struggles i am going through.... you know. i have had a lot of questions for God.

as i was preparing for bed tonight it was like God just gave me a little tap on the shoulder. He looked at me through my own eyes and said to me...

"morgan, why do you ask me so many questions? why do you feel the need to question who I AM? i would never give you anything you could not handle. I LOVE YOU. you are my child. i would never, never hurt you. please, just let me hold you. stop pushing. and HAVE FAITH."

i kinda got teary eyed as i heard my Father say these things to me. He was asking me to just let go. move on. just trust HIM.
solely HIM.

i want to be a virtuous woman. i want to be desired because i am. it is a step by step process. one step at a time.
i want to love.
in the truest sense of the word. love like God loves. it is the basis of everything. the basis of why my God created me. out of LOVE. i just want to show that love.

now i kinda feel like i am rambling. but you see my heart. i am desperate for the Lord to show me His face. i only desire to learn more about Him. He has given me this time to do that. and i keep taking it for granted.

i am thankful for this time in my life.
i am choosing to look to whatever God wants for me.
no matter what that means.

i am a child on a path. running to what my Father has for me. with OPEN ARMS.

my prayer for you is that the Lord will show you His face. that you will also step out on a marvelous journey with Him. He wants you to go with Him. something truly amazing awaits.


Anonymous said...

Morgan - what an amazing quest - an awesome journey you are on! Thanks for sharing your heart and your soul with us all. You have been such an encourager, a challenger and a revealer of God's truth and His goodness. I appreciate you!! Lots of love - Aunt J. ps. loved the pic!

Lauren Elise Bond said...

gah girl! We are SOOO on the same page right now....i seriously LETS DEFINITELY CATCH UP SOON!

Anonymous said...

I am proud of you, on this journey. It's a process - not a destination. Our destination is heaven, only then will we arrive. I love you tremendously!! Mom